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A few weeks ago I had an unplanned channelling come through the High Priestess I am mentoring under. We were driving to Christina Lake, our final hangout before it was time for us to part ways, and while talking – it feels so good to talk with other Priestesses and to train under them. They bring such a deep understanding and acceptance for who I am. On our drive suddenly the channel opened up and we pulled over as this stream of conscious flowed.
During this stream of consciousness I learned a lot, and was given a lot to understand. I have to listen to the recording again soon so I can process and integrate it deeper. It also turned out to be an Ascended Master speaking through the channel.
Later that day I decided I would ask for guidance when I sleep, which I do often with great success. I dreamt that night of the Ascended Master who gave me direct guidance: MEDITATE. I also saw a picture of my great uncle with whom my relationship is not the best.
When I woke up I asked my mentor what it meant and she said I need to follow his guidance and I need to clear the relationship between myself and my Uncle.
Great, I thought. How do I do that?
{Sidenote: Some of you may say “Don’t you meditate enough?” however I haven’t been meditating much for the last few months. Also, the Ascended Master was guiding me to do a passive meditation instead of the active meditations most Kundalini ones are.}
So, how do I do that? How do I clear up the emotional crap in my relationship with my Uncle without calling him?
Yep, back to so purkh, yet again!
I began to chant So Purkh almost immediately after. As I chanted I kept feeling like I wanted to hold onto a crystal as I chanted. I wanted to put my prayers into a mineral that would aid not just me but others as well. I kept seeing an altar built to honour the masculine energy on this planet. Everytime I sat to chant its what I saw.
I found a tiny Shiva Lingam crystal in my collection and decided to devote it to the practice. When I was holding it in meditation though it felt too small. I was confused because what I was seeing/feeling and reality wasn’t matching up but I decided to trust. The Universe always provides the tools I need, especially altar items. Most of my most precious altar items have epic stories behind them.
Five days after I began chanting I was feeling really unsettled with the practise. Because of the previously mentioned feelings and the memories that were accompanying the practice. I kept up, and on this day, I was gifted a beautiful quartz carved into a shiva lingam. It is amazing. I was honoured and am still so grateful for this gift.
Immediately, I began to meditate with it and felt so much better. The meditation felt aligned with what I am supposed to do. I felt like I was starting to fulfil a greater purpose. I discovered it was increasingly challenging for me to focus on just one relationship in my life. All the men who surround me and those of my past came up. I witnessed memories with each of them, and I could feel the power of the crystal amplifying my chant.
Suddenly I could feel the attraction men held for me – which I had not noticed before. Abruptly a man re-entered my life and apologized to me. I had a fight with another and worked out the final ties with goodwill between the both of us. And I declined an offer to partnership because I was able to recognize red flags and incompatibility (moment of pride!!).
I’m seeing, in this meditation, how deep my wounds go. Not my wounds caused by men – its more than that. We are all human beings working our way around this world. I am seeing how deeply wounded my masculine as been and how deeply this part of myself hurts.
The world around us is a reflection, so it is said. Based on this assumption, at a time when my wounds were deeply bleeding I attracted equally wounded men and experiences into my life. The wounded attracting the wounded is like the blind leading the blind.
Now, I am seeing it all over again, feeling the sparks of the wounds burn away slowly.
I am blessed. Truly, I am blessed. Sat Nam.
